Conversation Group’s Discussion Question: Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?

27 May 2016 9 Comments

by Sheila Clapkin in Uncategorized

.new babe2

Do you? I assume we all do because I know pretty much exactly how it will be, perhaps is. I see my death scenes often when I close my eyes. I hate to write this for fear you will feel sorry for me and try to talk me out of it. Every time I have told anyone, they try and say no way, you can’t know that for certain. Oh yes I can and I do. The sight of me dying has not left or changed since I turned 60. It has not let up or given me choices. It is exactly the same depiction each and every time only a few more machines, tubes and more discomfort, yet I keep saying I will not let go and I don’t.

The sun rises and sets in my knowing how I will die, so it is not like I would hope, quick and easy. It is not a pleasant sight and I do try and change it, try and picture someone else in exchange for me, push the sight from my conscious mind, but alas, I cannot. It is me and I am there dying exactly the same each and every time I go there. Another thing that annoys me is the fact that I have to be dying in my mind so many times. You would think once would be enough, but somehow when I least expect it, I am in my mind again dying, and again there is no change in the room, the bed, the spread, the mumbles all around, the curtains with yellow embroidery swaying and me there lying in repose when the deed is not yet done.

And you? Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die? I know time and again you have asked me not to be morbid, but this is not morbid or sad to me, actually, it is rather comforting. I see no pain!!!

LOVE

13 May 2016 8 Comments

by Sheila Clapkin in Uncategorized

.IMG_3087

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

LOVE

The greatest gift given is Love

If it is given freely

And accepted in gratitude.

Can you think of a more cherished gift?

If you can, then give it.

.IMG_3077

What Are We Without Our Memories?

03 May 2016 4 Comments

by Sheila Clapkin in Growing Up, Reflections, Trials and Tribulations

.IMG_4204

 

 

 

Prize winning photo in Rick Steve’s photo contest!

In pondering this question I wish to ask my friends, but soon I realize I must answer it myself first. So here comes another ponder. First of all, my first thought in answering my own question is that without my memories, I would be perfect. I will have not have made any mistakes. Everyone in my life would be perfect, too.

I would perhaps have been a straight A+ student. Ha, my memories crash that idea. I would have had a perfectly perfect face, body, coloring, and I would have been the dancer I was meant to be. With no memories it can be true. If I have no memories, I can do things that delight me over an over again with no recollection that I have done them before.

In looking back, I have sacrificed many golden moments and have been hindered when I let my mind wander to what might have been and or what might come. Terror lives in what will be, not as much as what has been. Therefore, if there is no memory of either what has been or what is yet to come we will have no worries. How many of us have achieved not to worry? Raise your hands if you do not worry. I squint and see no hands.

Perhaps I would not worry about having a panic attack because I would not remember that I had any. I also would not remember anything I should panic over.If it should happen to descend upon me, it is what is in the present and will be gone for the future. Now in achieving this concept, I will be able to raise my hand. Do not hold your breath, any of you. I will not hold mine for you.

When something marvelous occurs, it to is here today and forever gone as you adopt living in the present.

If you do not dwell on past accomplishments or future responses,

you will work hard today and be in a realm of or a state of mastery.

In all of this conjuring up all of these memories vs. no memories, I come to realize that this is just an old tried and true concept. Living in the moment, living in the absolute present. Not dwelling on past failures and or accomplishments gives you the freedom to start your living in the present. You positively would not dream and plan for the future, but you would enjoy the moment you are living. You would be smiling because you will not be worrying about the future and or thinking about the past. You are living where your life is happening.

All of your past and your future are like illusions; they are not real and do not exist or live in an unsatisfactory life. You remain further and further into the present, which is merciful and kind.

As we age, the little by little of cognitive decline is a good and merciful status.

Now that is all said and done about living in the present and how good it is for you and me, I need my memories. All of them circle around constantly in a conscious or unconscious way and I need them to build my days. Yes, once in awhile for a bit of each day, I can consciously live in the moment and that to me becomes stagnant and I have to pull myself to the tasks at hand. I know you are going to think I am wishy-washy. Well, why not? What do you think? I probably deserve some slings and arrows. Hopefully you are not a good shot! Thanking you in advance.

Venn Diagram

16 Apr 2016 4 Comments

by Sheila Clapkin in inspirations, Uncategorized

IMG_0726

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Notice the singular and the overlapping areas among the circles.

The circles curve and enclose common elements where alike stand together.

Relationships are developed and arched and held beneath as like, even remotely alike are captured and held together.

If something is shared in common, their relationships have formed and formulated. What is the good of captured elements organized in like kinds.

It is a logical development in unraveling the elements of perhaps truth. Elements of the universe and gathering together help to share knowledge in a formulated and scientific way for broader understanding.

In understanding Venn Concepts you can make assumptions that when studied hopefully bring conclusions. When reasoning is part of the equation, one must have the gathering and a reaching out passion to evaluate and address the questions. The Venn approach brings all of the components together and allows the fitting together of your information.

When you order a higher-level thinking you can draw your own personal Venn diagram. See your information visually and conquer what it is that fits the magical working puzzle pieces into your life. Congratulations.

MY PARENT’S GRAVESITE

08 Apr 2016 10 Comments

by Sheila Clapkin in Uncategorized

‘DSC_0043

I go to my parent’s gravesite to thank them

I thank them for my life.

I thank my mother for driving the distance to the orthodontist.

I like to smile.

I also thank her for insisting I go to UCLA and helping me to join my wonderful sorority Sigma Delta Tau, where I have maintained friends for life. And, Mom, so many times I thought you were wrong and it turns out you were right.

I thank my father for his courage and for all of his words that float around in my head. I tell him that once in awhile they fall out of my mouth and into the ears of others. You continue to be a towering positive strength and our teacher by modeling.

Tell someone something wonderful you see in within and know they will want to hear.

They will know joy and you will feel their love and perceive their gratitude

LONG TIME COMING

21 Mar 2016 12 Comments

by Sheila Clapkin in Uncategorized

.IMG_20160224_0001

If you could speak to anyone on the planet living or dead who would it be? This is a question I would like you to stop reading and ponder for a little while. Now you have firmly picked a person, see the person’s face, now take some time to gather what you would like to ask.

Thank you for your time. I would recall my Grandma Hannah, my mother’s mother. I would apologize.

I would apologize for not being the granddaughter she deserved. I would apologize for not knowing what I had to offer and for not knowing what she would have enjoyed. Oh, hindsight is such a glorious and perfectly edited teacher.

I would have sat longer at the dinner table with you when you made your delicious lamb chop to share with me. Where did I have to go in such a hurry? After all, I had the most important person in the world at that moment right across the table. My innocence, I apologize. I would have told you things, many things you would have thought about long after I was gone. My abrupt leaving left you only with the dishes and the clean up. Hardly the memory I would want you to have.

I would have come to visit you so many times more than I did. I would have realized that you didn’t even know me or I you. How could you have known much? I gave you so little time and conversation. I know some things about you because your six children told many stories.

Now, again, I have brought you here, not only to apologize, but because I want to tell you of the family you have created. I would tell you such nice things about them and their contributions to their world. How handsome your boys, how beautiful their wives: how lovely are your girls and how handsome their husbands. How beautiful and accomplished are every one of your grandchildren and your great grandchildren are as equal to any task as were their ancestors. I know the best is yet to come and I hope there are more times to talk.

 

 

Be Aware

08 Mar 2016 9 Comments

by Sheila Clapkin in inspirations, Reflections, Trials and Tribulations

.IMG_3107

My eyes have been opened and I am in awe of the process. The first eye opening process came from being very nearsighted.

I saw everything in magnifying glass dimensions. Everything was up close and personal. I was caught looking at another student’s paper during a test in the beginning of 4th grade. The teacher went ballistic on me. After her horrid diatribe, I had the wherewithal to tell her I could not see the board and I did not copy answers. I told her that I had my own answers, but I could not see the board, so I did have to copy the questions. This ended up after much hullabaloo with me seeing an optometrist and getting fitted for my first pair of GLASSES.  I thrived for the next segment of my life, but the nearsighted view of the world, put me into a self-centered arena. Being self-centered is where most people reside. You know what you see, you add what you hear, and you do what you do. For me, the self-centered existence has lingered for the longest time and been the most profound.

The next segment for me was the cocoon, the chrysalis, and the metamorphosis, which is “a change of the form or nature of a thing or person into a completely different one, by natural or supernatural means.” This change was paramount to me. Becoming a nice, fairly well rounded, accomplished person, who has never stopped being nearsighted, is cherished.

Regarding the nearsightedness in human beings, I want you to know that what I love about myself is that I have been nearsighted all of my life and I love that view. Now that cataracts are just beginning to grow, some one of these days I will have to have cataract surgery. Then, you as well as I have to make a decision. Do you put in a nearsighted lens or a 20/20 lens, or wait until you are nearly blind with indecision. I want to be nearsighted. I can see the world in old dimensions. I can pick up the teeniest little bit of information and I can see the world, as a few others have been able to see it. How many of you can say you have seen the world under a microscope? You have no idea what you can see being nearsighted. It is like going around in your life here and there using a magnifying glass. That will/would be hard to give up wouldn’t you say?

Putting in a 20/20 vision lenses in my eyes to be used day and night, day in and day out, would cast my view in completely different vistas. I would not be able to go into my heretofore known world without help. So, I would be beholden to the nearness or handiness of a magnifying tool that my eyes have always done for me.

My friend C. says to get the 20/20 vision lens because when you are a really, really old lady, in a retirement or care facility, they will always be losing your glasses, so 20/20 will be helpful. Not having to look for your glasses everyday more than once or twice would be fantastic.

Heretofore, I have always been a nearsighted lifetime adventurer, a self centered one, and a morphed one will be a future decision, so I am going to, and hope you do, too, make the best of things as they are right NOW!

 

 

Walking with Edgar Degas

29 Feb 2016 6 Comments

by Sheila Clapkin in Fictionalized Memoirs

.Unknown-1

I was asked to take a walk with Degas and what would I say? I would say, Good Morning. Good Afternoon and Good Evening according to the time of day. My head would be pounding and sweat would be roaring inside my shirt. My heart would not slow down and my blood would be pounding under the stress. My eyes would temporarily blur and I would be asking myself about what pill I should have taken before the walk to lessen the pain of needing to be on target.

I needn’t have worried. Edgar was the quintessential French gentleman.

He talked about the environment in which we walked and then, knowing instinctively what I would have asked if I hadn’t swallowed nervously, producing horrendous coughing, he asked me why I thought he painted so many dancers and so many ballerina paintings? I told him I think he totally adored the beauty and grace of the dance, the elegance of the dancing positions, and the beauty held in the dancing body. He smiled and nodded. I told him I was a dancer, a little ballerina, but my boobs got to big and I looked top heavy and ready to fall over with each step I took. Soon thereafter, I was told to pursue another form of expression. He chuckled and chuckled.

On we walked. I told him I couldn’t draw a straight line if I wanted to and he told me that all he did was draw straight lines for half of his life until he moved to New Orleans, Louisiana. He said he finally found the dynamics of his capacity upon moving back to France.

I asked a question finally. Said I, ‘How would you describe how you come upon a subject to paint?” He said, “What I do is the result of reflection and of the study of the great masters of inspiration, spontaneity, temperament, I know nothing more to say.”

We moved along to a salon where some of his paintings were on display showing his different periods and styles. I asked him what he thought as he stood here viewing his work and he answered with a smile and a couple of pats on my back.

I am awake now.

 

So You Think It is Yours!

22 Feb 2016 16 Comments

by Sheila Clapkin in Life Events, Uncategorized

.IMG_3778

We had our worldly goods protected by creating a joint Grantor Trust in 2009. We had one page after another explaining in detail what we wanted to our last piece of dust. Air tight, therefore, water proof. We have had several amendments and a Durable Power of Attorney over health added, but basically it should have remained the same.

We are acquiring a fingerling of land joined to our property as an easement. We feel that this is a wonderful addition especially because it allows us to step out onto a giant hill overlooking much of the San Fernando Valley into the Santa Suzanna Mountains. All of a sudden, now that the pile has been stirred, up comes something we did not expect in the next million years. Mr. owns the house. What? Yes, somehow when our house was being recorded, or perhaps re-recorded to comply with our new trust, the recorder, lazy bum, recorded only Mr.’s name and the last two words, which names a trust we do not, and never had.

I haven’t slept a wink. This morning Mr. says” Don’t worry, I will not charge you rent. You can still have your half of the bed, and things can go along just the same even if it is my house!” Ha, so he thinks. Oh, when the kitchen is a mess, and the house is dirty, whose house is it? I say his. He better live, I told him, otherwise I think probate is what you tried to circumvent in the first place and in the last.

We will get this all straighten out, until the next lazy bum records something inaccurately. By the way, here is something you may wish to check. We thought perhaps the Property Tax Bill would show names. It certainly did. Showed Mr.’s name and his last name as it is on the trust. Oh so wrong, Oh so disturbing that the names have been that way for so many years and no one ever noticed long enough to realize the error. All we can do now is have it re-recorded and hope the next recorder has had an extra cup of coffee that morning. Of course Mr. and Mrs. will be on guard!

When all is said and done, you are invited over for a glass of wine, and we will step out onto the fingerling of land and take in the beautiful lights of the valley below. Every time I go out there from now on, I will say a prayer for all of us, thanking all powers that make mistakes and free the error mongers, me included, from blame.

All is set in stone, the house is properly documented in shared trust format, and the fingerling property now goes with the house in perpetuity. Amen!

 

Simplicity

14 Feb 2016 2 Comments

by Sheila Clapkin in Reflections, Uncategorized Tags: ,

.flower mouth.

A simple thing is really an item that has been trimmed down only in your mind.

If something is uncomplicated in its totality, it has been beforehand stripped of its complications and made simple.

It is effortless in motion, yet has within its meaning, the complications that abound and the ability to complicate.

Why would you need to strip a thought, an item, an effort, a quality, or anything to make it simple?

Perhaps to allow it to guide others in a format they will be able to decipher.

When you give the beholder a more simplistic way to study, converse, you give the beholder easiness and an effortless way to continue to pursue a way to study and live in simplicity.

 

 

Previous Older Entries Next Newer Entries