Sheilaclapkin's Blog;

There is a shadow in my mind’s eye that is always and has always been there.  Sunshine or darkness makes no difference except to change the shape and perhaps the meaning. Do shadows forecast shade and define limits, foresee the future, illuminate the present, help us flashback, re-do, redefine, and recount? Is the shade of the shadow defining limits, showing the obscure side, a protection, a security, and a final place of shelter? Could this shadow of mine be a spirit, a phantom who attends me and is my inseparable companion?  I know that it is only a small part of me, a faint representation, and a reflected image.

Before you deem me unstable in my thinking, let me add that you have a shadow, too. Oh yes you do. Yours may or may not have been examined by you. It may be something you have been unaware of or perhaps small glimpses of it have peered through.  I can’t see your shadow or transfer into your meaning because I am so emotionally wound up and tied into my own, but I think it wise indeed to follow the shadow probability and make the best of it. Remember you have a shadow, whether it is illuminated or not.  You are not alone, in a good way.

We can learn to tame our shadows or let them run wild. Instead of calling it trash talk when we step out of line, we can call it shadow talk and tame it. It is up to you to accept a shadow or scrap it. Why did I bring up the shadow effect? Only to re-examine mine and I wanted you to have a look into yours.

I am constantly giving away my worries and insecurities by letting the shadow talk.  I want to slap it down, but it leaks out.  This belief allows me to shrink from the responsibility of something in and of myself if I don’t approve. Is it possible that this shadow has an ego that gets mixed up with mine?  Perhaps you might say, there is no shadow at all and it is just me or you trying to make the best meaning out of living and getting the best shot at it.

I have come to realize that my shadow is full of fear, dread and trepidations for some of the dark days to come as stated in Ecclesiastes.  Finally realizing the meaning of there is a time and season for everything has been helpful. As far as the shadow knows, there are two kinds of fear, one is the outside force and then, there are the ones that linger on the inside.

In order to satisfy the outside demons, I learned I couldn’t control others, so I can only play it safe by, keeping observant, and following my rules.  The inside shadowed demons are quite another story. They stem from a lifetime of piled on uncertainties, worries, accusations, suspicions, doubts and qualms about past, present and most certainly the future. So, I realized that if I change the frames and put the inside shadow on the outside and the one on the outside on the inside, I might hopefully have a vantage point with a new perspective and vision. In this altered state, I began to examine each new and varied form of the shadows. It is like seeing a fast running movie of myself frame by frame.  No I am NOT in a chemically altered state, just one of contemplation. In changing the shadow positions, I made references to reflections never reflected upon in their old respective positions. The change of attitude in viewing inside verses outside shadows gave new dimensions, new avenues to travel, new hope that the inevitable changes will hold benefits and life altering settlements with the pain and fear of what heretofore has been unknown.