I feel like the cover of a book called Silver’s Clown

I am yet to write.

Happy equally and unsure of everything all around

Look at my eyes starting to tear in the corners

Realizing that an aging life has so many challenging borders.

The task and trial becomes an inner contest to see if you can digest, not what you will become, but what you will do with the threads of what you became.

Will there be a challenge to become once again and then, be in the realm of pondering, does what you became surface once more?

Where do you start and where will you end?





‘Borrowed ‘Peta Pixel.’


Sitting sideways, looking askance at the reflecting pool, I get a total eclipse of my body. It becomes one with the reflections.

I hide this way and that way. I think no one sees. They do not see because they are looking at the reflections, witnessing their own eclipsing.

In seeing nothing, one can then begin to build something. The blankness begins to form in the southeast corner,

What is that? It is the shape of your hand. Your hand gives total mapping of where you have gone, are going, and will go.

How sensitive is the monitoring of your mapping. How telling is your eclipsing?

Hiding, showing, forming, ebbing and preceding, soaring and diving, you have nearly come full circle.

Once the circle is closed there will be no more time for growth, so stretch to the limits as you call upon your engines of power.

As you ponder, remember eclipsing comes in many forms, Perhaps all thought out or just happenstance. Whatever way you come across the opportunity to ponder, sit back, relax and go for the maximum joy your mind gives you.

Mother Earth: Hurl, Swirl, And Twirl


I will not lay this body down

I have a wedding to attend

Nobody asks for money to lend,

Let us dig the garden we must tend

To move and cultivate to bow and bend

To enable the growth to feed our bodies to mend


To keep in touch with Mother Earth

Our Mama’s with babies to birth

Give rise to the mounting gift of worth

Within the mounds of earth, unearthed.


We need each other’s thoughts and ideas

Without use of a The World Encyclopedias

To review the History of change

Facts and words we cannot rearrange.

As well as

Basing our study on real events

Digging and planting and covering with tents

Not just to be having fun but…

To tame the sun that burns the tiny seedlings.

By the way…

Ask not why the powerful pull is upon us but

Know that it is what keeps us grounded

As we spin and twirl around.


Nourished by the sun, grounded by the twirl

In the atmosphere we do hurl

Planting the garden, both boy and girl

Gathered together in one great big swirl

Hold on……


A Simple Meditation



Whatever your day holds is what we are after today. We want a way to bring forth what is available at the moment. Sit quietly, count backwards, 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, pausing at each step to ponder and dwell.

Now count 5,4,3,2, and on number1 pause before entering the open door.

Once inside of the room look around. The room is empty and awaiting your input. Decorate with furniture, flooring, encouraging colors, and consider using velvets and silk. This will be where you will go often to bring back your thoughts, review your memories, and work on your future.

You will enjoy this process as often as you like and be assured you will gather new and pertinent information about yourself each and every time you count down to 1 and go inside your own personally decorated room. Be aware of the lessons of delight.





I hear your cries out into the world at times of stress and angst. I hear you exclaim, “”Oh God. Or you say, Oh My God and at times of your duress, I hear, “Jesus Christ!” Welcome to the world of prayer. Welcome, Welcome, Welcome.

As you gently become aware of your body and your interior state of soul, you are opened up to the forces that guide you to seeing your way as you progress into the state of Grace. The healing starts. You begin to realize that what you are welcoming is healing from the inside outward.

If you let go of your desire for security, approval and for control you will change your nature of being, and so softly you will live noticing that there is barely wear and tear on your existence. You will have learned the first step in remaining aware of change and actuality. You have tripped momentarily into a state of grace and as you settle down, you are consumed with Gratitude.

Now that you have controlled security and approval, the next to transpire is letting go of your desire to change any situation, condition, person, but open into only yourself. Let us open to the healing actions and fill your environment with Grace and Gratitude.



















































Your body and mind are your centering tools. Be centered. Set your feet when you feel your body is balanced. Breathe deeply. Enjoy the balanced state and the physicality of it. Concentrate. Practice getting the physical parts centered and stable.


Now transfer to centering the mind. The mind is a wandering element until you pull in invisible strings and hold it in place. Close your eyes and breathe in deeply. Talk to yourself in a calm centering tone. Tell yourself that you want to relax and learn something absolutely and purposefully in the direction of your needs. Your mind sets about changing the circumstances and relates to you a new qualitative prospect. Congratulations, how deeply you have centered.


When we talk about centering we move in a circle. You stand still, but your internal motions go circular. Once you realize you have circular thoughts they become so much more relevant. What if you pulled from your center all that you can and let the contents dribble from top to bottom? You would see a pool a reflective, inspirational pool of yourself. Never before have you centered through to the real purpose. The purpose once revealed is powerful and mesmerizing. You are happy with the attention you have given yourself.


Keep physically and mentally centered and you will progress beyond what you have ever before imagined. If you have pain, centering removes so much of it. Pain is washed away and lack of it is a reminder to stay centered as often as possible. The elevation in the middle is a new plane of existence and the newest revelation in your contemplative mind.

Seductive Shade

Image result for photos of shade gardens

Seductive Shade

See how the shade casts shadows stirring up the imprints of reflections on the water? In contemplative thinking I am wondering what other casts shadows make.

You would think that shadows cast would dull and darken things. Yes, you would be right and in the darkening new and productive images arise, giving you new meditative choices.

You become aware that mostly opaque dense object that let very little light passes through cast shadows. You use yourself and change positions of body parts to obtain your own shadow. Shadows are long in the early morning and shorten as the day passes. You can do many experiments with shadows. Tracing the shape of a shadow cast and filling it with your own lines and shapes is art. You and nature have a partnership to create shadows and in the fun and frolicking of shadow castings you learn to live joyful moments. In casting shadows, you for the moment cast away your worries, your angst, regrets, frets, fears, and gather some momentary peace.

Learning the casting of shadows can be thoughtful lessons. The artist learns how different portions of the entity are at differing depths and the body, which is closer to light, will cast a shadow on the object more in the distance. When studying light and distance, the shadows that form change so rapidly your thoughts cannot be idle.

If your thoughts come rapid fire when observing shadows then, light can cure your mind of ills. The shadows provide the shade your mind needs to be seduced into seductive thinking, which turns your shady thoughts into healing vibrations. You are unaware of the healing and the vibrations. You only have to stand in the light and stand in the casting of shadows to recognize the differences in your mindset. Now is the time to remember to recognize and cast shadows. Observe the casting of shadows in as many locations as possible to gain instructions on Seductive Shade.

Mr. Ruff and Tuff Part 3


Big Nostrils Breed a Life Long Fear!

All of a sudden, I cannot remember her name. She was the #1 Pre-School Principal in our area. My mother decided to enroll me in this neighborhood pre-school because, she wanted to reward my good behavior. I asked why this school was so special, and she replied that it was a fun; all day, school. She loved to see me smile. So this happy, all day, fun place would bring lots of smiles. I bought it. I had no inhibitions or fearful thoughts until Mrs. Forgot Her Name opened her school door.   There, all of her 250 pounds stood smiling below her huge quivering nostrils. At that very moment, I manufactured my life’s worst nightmare of being sucked into her huge Gargantuan nostrils. As the huge, trembling, quivering, wavering nostrils came closer to me; I dove off of the steps, into the garden, and started running as fast as I could, ever forgetting to take a breath here and there. Whatever happened behind the pre-school doors is something I will never know because I was told I became unconscious for a short time. Needless to say, my strong willed, tenderhearted mother saved me.

On Being a Messy Painter

When I joined the bustling Kindergarten class at S.S.E.S., I knew this was going to be my all day fun place. Everything was beautiful. I noticed so many new things. Only in writing these few memories do I realize, perhaps the other students were not so awestruck because many of them had been in Mrs. I Forgot her Name’s preschool being sucked up by nostrils. Oh, today was painting day, whatever that meant. It did not take long to slip on a painting shirt and poke the brushes into the milk cups.I remember being very happy working at the painting station, until the teacher said,“ My, my, you are a very messy painter.” She pointed out my forehead and my chin full of painting swashes, and did not neglect to show me the easel full of my exuberance. For years, I studied what it means to be a messy painter in the most positive of terms. I came up with the facts of being messy means a great sign of depth and enthusiasm, unafraid and a willingness to achieve.

Also, it means one with a vibrant, creative, independent, futuristic soul. I accept.

 Pee? Not By Me

Have you noticed when you enter theaters and auditoriums used for elaborate venues, they have tiered seating? When I was only in the third grade, a great avenue through the middle of my mind opened up for viewing. It never occurred to me that the tiered seating opened up viewing and that you had to know which way the pee flowed to get away with what I tired.

I asked the teacher if I could use the restroom and annoyed as can be she grunted out the words, “No You Cannot!” In my immature mind, I figured when the movie starts, and the lights are out, I will do my deed, and I did. They cannot tell me not to do what I felt could be done and over in minutes. Little did I realize that the auditorium being tiered allows me to tell this story 70 years later. When the movie was over, the lights flicked on and the principal waked to the microphone in the front of the auditorium. He winced and stepped over something. Oh no; he began to follow the water from the puddle in the front to my exact chair.

How did this happen? Surprise little girl, rules are rules and you can’t always do what you want and get away with it. 

Lost By One Vote

During the last year of Junior High School, I ran for 9th grade President. I had been active in the politics of the school, had strong grades, and thought I would be a good representative for our class. On voting day, we all quietly entered the classroom to listen to the speeches, and hear the teachers explain the duties of the President. I wondered what to do. Do I vote for myself or for the other candidate to be polite?   Such was the dilemma. Wasn’t I very naive? I lost by one vote, my own.

Dismissed from Chorus on a Human Failing

I love to sing, but standing next to me was an endurance test. I have since found out that I am tone deaf and all of what I thought were lilting melodies, were in fact horrid sounds. The teacher, as it turned out, was pretty crafty. She worked it out with the students to stop singing at a particular spot, leaving only my wailing resonances and me. My mind was crushed and my body left barely able to walk from the scene.

I had been dismissed from Chorus. I still mouth the words to the Happy Birthday song after all of these many years.




Mr. Ruff and Tuff: Part 2


Mr. Ruff and Tuff Part 2

I have been asked to change the spelling of the title and so be it

I have also been asked to delve further into the inner me and see what I can add as part 2, so be it.

Before I begin, thank all of you for your loving support. Thank you for not mentioning the grey streaks in my hair and the crumpled up hunch back that Physical ‘therapy has promised to help. God Willing.

Ring, ring, ring, “Hello.” Is this your inner self??” “Yes.”

“Remember, dearie as you write, you have more memories of the past than things coming in your future. Write, Write, and Write, to your hearts content!”


I was in the sixth grade when the teacher’s introduced Square Dancing as our 6th Grade culmination dances. Everyone was terribly upset, as they would be required to hold the hand of the opposite sex. Oh, my goodness what fear and loathing of handholding became the conversations of the days to follow. And so it came to pass, we all held hands and danced with our partners regardless of what our thoughts beheld.


I have not asked permission to use Johnny’s name. I do not know if he is living or not. I haven’t seen or heard of him in more than 60 years. Having established that our encounters happened so very long ago, I can still see Johnny’s most handsome face and feel his gentle touch. We met at the Christmas Parade held every year down Pacific Blvd in Huntington Park, California. For me, it was astonishing to have a boyfriend. At last, I sighed over and over again during those months we shared. Many boyfriends have come along, plus a husband with all of the characteristics everyone would desire, so why do I preach Johnny’s as golden? Probably, because, he displayed such dignity, a love of humanity, and a morality not heretofore seen often by me, in budding young men.   Johnny and I parted ways due to religious differences. His mother explained to him the difficulties melding the two religions and he shared them with me. So, my first love for almost all the right reasons died on the vine. I still love you in my fashion, Johnny, for your truth, and your love of humankind.


This inner me story comes next because Johnny is still partly in my life for a little while longer.

I was a new driver and pretty proud of my new licensed skills. I picked up Johnny and we chatted all of the way to church for Mass. I parked the car and as we walked up the huge stairs, I could hear my inside voice in a begging format.

Dear God,

“Please give me a sign that you are really here, caring for us and letting us know of your work. I will not need to ask you again if you just send a sign my way. Just one.”


Mass was over and the congregation began to exit the building. I quickly scanned the parking lot to find at my dismay, my car missing from the lot where I had parked it. It boggled my brain and my knees went week. I continued the scanning and came upon my car. It had rolled through the parking lot across the sidewalk and thankfully to God had stuck itself upon the light post stopping it from rolling into the street and causing a horrible accident.

Do I ever need to ask for sign again? Ever? The answer is no, never do I need a sign again. Thank YOU GOD!

The Temple Rabbi and I:

Oh my, I was called into the Rabbi’s office for a conference.

Since I have never been called into the Rabbi’s office on any other occasion, I figured, this could be very serious. As it turned out it was short, but quite serious.

Rabbi: ” I am sorry Sheila, but you will not be able to be confirmed with the other girls in your class.”

Sheila: ” Why not? I am a top graded student.”

Rabbi:” Oh it has nothing to do with grades, but the fact that your birthday is Sept. 19th and the cut off date for conformation is Aug 31.

Sheila: I begged and pleaded furiously. I could not budge the Rabbi: so my parting remarks were:

‘ Shit, I hate your rules and am not coming back to temple ever if I can work it.”

I rarely came back or have come back and when I do, I love being there with all of those familiar sounds.

The dearly departed Rabbi never stopped trying to make it all up to our family and me. He asked to be taken to our Family Seder and brought 20 brand new Hagadah’s to accompany us throughout the coming years. He filled our home with bits and pieces of Judaism. Thank you Rabbi.

I asked my dearly beloved husband to marry me which was definitely against the rules 55 and 1/2 years ago and he said,” If I want to marry you, I’ll ask you.” And as you can see, he did!

What Mr. Rough and Tuff Brought Out of Me


I hope you never find out how much you can’t do when pain and broken bones bog you down and connect you with your bed, but it happened to me. Extreme pain is like a straight jacket tightened around your past life. No reading, no watching TV, no visiting with friends, no cooking, no cleaning, no tending to the garden, no family dinners or events, no driving to meetings and luncheons.

Mr. Rough and Tuff came to visit to make sure I was alive. He said, “How could you do nothing all day? I just don’t get it. You were always so vivacious and active.” Those words got me thinking about how we see ourselves and how others see us. There is more than what meets the eye. There is the deeper self, so I took this opportunity to spend the next couple of days to come up with some things my friends don’t know about the inner me in hopes that you will think about what your friends don’t know about you.

Here they are:

I learned to cuss like a drunken sailor in my early teens. I’ve never forgotten a word and I return to this form of expression internally as occasions that need a depth in discussions arise. Once in a while you will hear me vocalize my internal expressions.

I dearly love the deep twang of classic country music, second only to the cooing of a baby. I hear a sending out into the atmosphere, deep mesmerizing sounds to calm my daily build up of fears and naughty wayward notions. The country sound puts a deep warming spell upon me at each and every listen. Listen and learn to savor.

I bleach my fingernails: How often? When I think about it, I put a capful of bleach into motion. I soak all nails and then rinse the bleach off to see sparkling white nails free of bacteria and anything else I might have put my hands and nails into. Treat yourself to a nice germ free day, and perhaps enjoy sharing the news.

Two mothers raised me. When I was nine, my parents hired a housekeeper who stayed with our family for 30 years. Each taught me something uniquely different, using their own style. Mother #1 used a double dose of words to share her messages, and mother #2 shared her messages by modeling behaviors and outcomes. Therefore, producing the product that I am today, a very fortunate woman.

I have a Hippy heart. I was drawn into the Hippy subculture when I was married with children. So, you see, I was really to old to follow the scene. I tie-died shirts, grew my hair long, and adopted the principles of love and sharing, but I had to restrain myself from running off into the sunset searching the depths of life for meaning.

I was baptized in the fourth grade. On this particular day, the teacher was very angry with me for talking when she was talking. She dug her nails into my shoulder and sat me outside the door. I decided to explore the neighborhood. I walked down the street from the school and began to run to enjoy the day. I fell in front of the church, skinning my knee, and began to cry. A nice lady from the church in a bright yellow suit came out to help me. She invited me in to clean and dress my wound. Once I was bandaged, she lifted my chin and said, “Do you want to go to heaven, little girl?” I replied, “Yes I do, yes I do!” She called to the others and they came with dishes, statues, and water. They dribbled water on my hair and neck. I thought the church had a leak in their roof from rain, but it was a bright sunny day. As soon as I could, I ran back to the school and sat down where the teacher put me. Later in my life, I realized I had the good fortune to be baptized.

I did something bad and felt good about it. Every spring the neighbors would gather together in the side lot to practice our baseball skills. For years everyone aimed for the neighbors window. Who ever broke the window first, would be the hero of our gang. No one ever succeeded, until I got up to bat and accidently, on purpose, broke that window. I felt very accomplished even after the neighbor came out and everyone told on me. I spent the rest of the summer proudly working to pay off that window.

I have a Personal Plucker, therefore I’ve covered the horror of old age facial hair that comes long after you cannot see them. This PP deal I made with my much younger loving friend gives me peace. Having a PP, I now have one less aging horror to worry over.


Your turn: Please share with us your inner self.


Previous Older Entries Next Newer Entries