Reflections | Sheilaclapkin's Blog;

GRANDMA DORA AND GRANDPA JOE

28 Dec 2010 17 Comments

by Sheila Clapkin in Family History, Reflections

How can I begin to describe two people who are responsible for a part of my creation and a part of the essence of who they were, which makes me who I am? I will endeavor.

When I look at what I believe is their wedding photo, I am struck by the look of innocence and their sweet youth. I knew them not then, but came into their lives as a descendant, as they came into mine as grandma and grandpa, ultimately my ancestors. All of us entering a timely relationship of granddaughter/grandson and grandparents encounter: Hair not quite gray and bodies beginning their descent. I loved them to pieces and partly because they showed love for me and partly because they are/were part of the architects of my origin. I knew they were to be honored, respected, admired and pursued.

“A son is a son until he takes a wife, a daughter is a daughter all of her life.”(This is not necessarily always true.)

11 Dec 2010 9 Comments

by Sheila Clapkin in Family History, Life Events, Reflections

Many of you, after reading my post, “Four Daughters” asked me to write about our son. So, I pondered and I have written this for you.

“A son is a son until he takes a wife,
a daughter is a daughter all of her life.”

Well, what if your son does not take a wife, but takes a husband? Then you have something different. You have two sons. Now that’s very special! One son is a lovely, wonderful blessing. But two sons are double the measure. When my two sons work together on my behalf, I have so much love and admiration for them and will always treasure their interest in being there for me.

My two sons look very much alike; they are the same height, approximately the same weight and the same size in clothes. Even though they are not biologically connected, they look and act almost like twins. I can buy a shirt and they’ll both wear it. I ask one for help and they both come. I ask for sympathy and they both give it. I ask for love and I get twice the dose. I ask for an opinion and I get two for the price of one. I ask for a favor and I get it twice as fast. And they always offer to pay for everything. I smile lovingly and proudly, knowing I’ll always receive a positive reception. I ask for one of them to drive and they both say with pleasure. When they visit, one takes the trash out, the other puts a new bag in the can. They work in tandem; they work as a pair.

The two sons are valuable members in our family. They are loving, supportive and kind. They give each other approval to succeed and sustain the efforts of each other. They are priceless. They are double anything that anyone could wish to have in their lives. – Mother

REFER TO PAGE 40 AND STOP WORRYING

04 Dec 2010 2 Comments

by Sheila Clapkin in Reflections, Trials and Tribulations

This photo is borrowed from the internet.

A friend forwarded an article from an online magazine. He said to “refer to page 40”. After clicking through all of the proceeding pages, I finally came upon a self-help article written by an elite psychologist in Northern California. She said to concentrate on things in the “present”, instead of worrying about things from the past or in the future. It took about a thousand words to say cut out the worrying because it’s just a waste of time anyway. So if I ever go off on a worry wrath, stop me and say, refer to page 40. I promise to do the same for you.

So, today I am scheduled to speak and answer questions in my grandson’s class. Am I worried? Not really, since I spent 42 years doing this very thing. Only when I did it, I was the teacher. Now I am the grandmother. They’re probably expecting a gray haired, hunched-over, and fragile looking old lady wearing orthopedic shoes to walk in the door. But honestly I don’t know how to look like the grandmother they’re probably expecting. I would have to return to the hairdresser and ask for my gray hair back. I would have to relax so much that my back would hunch into a fragile curve. How do you do that? Orthopedics? Get a grip. I do buy my shoes at the travel store, so I’m already halfway to the grandmother status in the shoe department. Is my voice supposed to crackle and am I to grunt like they probably expect? Gosh, I guess I really do not know how to be the grandmother they expect. So I’ll just be the grandmother that I am. I’m nicely dressed, I look great for my age, and they’ll get what they get. I shall quit worrying and refer to page 40. I suggest you do the same.

ANOTHER DEAR GRANDDAUGHTER # 1

01 Dec 2010 2 Comments

by Sheila Clapkin in Family History, Growing Up, Letters, Reflections

Dear Granddaughter #1

At the birthday party you said, “When I was little everyone loved me and then, I grew up.” Well, for your information, everyone still loves you only you won’t let us show you. Really? Really. Start thinking about the people who love you and count them. Probably, you should just look at your Facebook page. There you will find people who are listening. I hope you are listening and reading. I write to let you know I am thinking of you and I love you. I loved you when you were little and I love you just as much and even more now.

I was and still am a sort of wallflower. Do you know what a wallflower is: well, as I remember it and as it was explained to me when I went to a dance and no one asked me for a dance, I was considered a wallflower. Someone who hugs the wall and hopes someone else will ask them to dance. I was thinking last night that I was a perpetual wallflower and I only remember someone asking me to dance after he had been refused by 6 others. I remember that dance so well. I even got sort of popular over it and people talked about how I was such a good dancer. I guess that time was part of my 15 minutes of fame. I am still sort of a wallflower.

Here is what the urban dictionary says about wallflowers. And I do like these definitions.

-A type of loner. seemingly shy folks who no one really knows. Actually these are some of the most interesting people if one actually talks to them.

“Someone, usually in high school, who sees everything, knows everything, but does not say a word; they are not loners; they are introverted, meaning they are shy and have a social disease; they cannot handle having someone pay attention to them even though they crave it as much as everyone else; wallflowers are just phased in, and faded into the background.”

An Ethical Will To My Children: I Did Not Give You Life to Prolong Mine.

11 Nov 2010 7 Comments

by Sheila Clapkin in Family Activities, Reflections, Trials and Tribulations

1971

When I was very young, I explored dying. Not the horrid slow, suffering kind of dying I came to view as I grew into my aging years, done by grandparents, parents, aunts, uncles and friends. As a youngster, I viewed dying as leaving some very sad people and how they would grieve for me.

I am not afraid to die; I am afraid of the pain and long suffering and I do not want grieving. I want my death to be a celebration. I am afraid of the care that I will need to survive. Please God, please children of mine, do not make me survive past the time I can rise from my bed, take the pills I need to keep my systems going, comb my hair, brush my teeth, pee, poop and feed myself. Do not let me live past giving myself life-giving care.

Four Daughters

03 Nov 2010 8 Comments

by Sheila Clapkin in Family Activities, Family History, Reflections

Here they are, four daughters in a row. Can you pick out the twins? I can. When the twins were babies I could be blindfolded and tell them apart just by their smell. I was very animalistic then about my babies. I still am. Better be careful. I bite.

No, I have not forgotten our wonderful loving son. He comes into view when we brought the twins into the house and he said, “Mom you had a girl and a boy and then you messed it all up.” Now, he cherishes all of the girls and they, him. But later we will talk son, talk, but for now it is daughter talk.

What is a daughter? Goodness, a daughter is so many things it would fill pages and pages, but let me see if I can condense it for you. A daughter is a challenging and trying human being that you love no matter what. Sometimes you think you have created a monster and other times an angel. Daughters do not take all that you have to give, they tend to leave a little more for next time. They give you only so much of what you need from them and keep you waiting to hear more. You want to know how their day went and how they are feeling. They say the word “fine” and you leave it at that creating a lull in the conversation. Sometimes on the other hand you get way more than you wanted in all ways. Not all daughters are the same; even if they share exact DNA, trust me.

You have heard many quotations about daughters no doubt. For example to quote a few, “A daughter is a gift of love.” “A son is a son until he takes a wife, a daughter is a daughter all of her life.”

Here is one that is priceless: “Watching your daughter being collected by her date feels like handing over a million dollar Stradivarius to a Gorilla.” Jim Bishop. Then, there are ones like:

“ A mother’s treasure is her daughter.” “ To a father growing old, nothing is dearer than a daughter. “ Oh this is all hogwash; ok not all, but mostly. Sorry, but I’ll bet each one of you can come up with a saying, a personal quote, closer to home and truer than the words I have quoted above. So I am waiting. Post your personal quote. Here is mine

“If you have a choice of a son or a daughter, order both.” Or, like my mother told me; “ I wish you a daughter just like yourself.”

Direct me to a Human. Please!!

15 Sep 2010 9 Comments

by Sheila Clapkin in Customer Sevice, Reflections, Trials and Tribulations

Direct me to a Human: Please!

You know how many times you have had to push buttons on the phone and how long it takes to finally get to a human voice. I do, too. It happens more and more lately and the questions they ask are way too numerous. More and more I am losing touch with having human contact. I am worried about the state of this happening especially in progressive top leading countries.

Busy running in circles doing things I think need to be done, I think to myself, what if I had lost my mind and none of these things would be getting done. Then, I think, perhaps, so what? Instead of dwelling, I began to complete the rest of the tasks I have intended. I plugged in the flights to Texas and to Calgary using my aging, but still trustworthy computer. No human contact. Why do I mention no human contact when I am just making reservations for flights to and from for both cities? More

Today’s Bits and Pieces: It is Your Choice

21 Jul 2010 Leave a comment

by Sheila Clapkin in Reflections

My daughter received a lovely gold and ruby watch as an inheritance. She said every time she put it on, she felt bad luck surrounding her. Subsequently, her sister borrowed it and felt equally surrounded with bad vibes.

One day, I saw the glittering watch was lying on my daughter’s dresser. I put it on and felt inspired, hopeful, warm and friendly. I asked to borrow the watch for a few days and was granted my request.

During my visit with this watch, I can’t say there are such things as vibes housed in inanimate objects or that truly, I/we would feel good or badly towards anything other than what we set out to feel. What is lucky for some is absolutely the opposite than for others. The power here is in the thought and the belief.

In wearing this watch, I have set out to observe the truth as I see and feel it. So far, I have been able to observe that there are near tragedies every which way you turn and equally near opportunities for good to happen. My observations are that you have to choose what you want to do, to see, and feel and whether it is on the good side or on the bad.

Today the watch is hidden in the back of a drawer among receipts of paid bills.

Sedatives and Tranquilizers

09 Apr 2010 Leave a comment

by Sheila Clapkin in My Closets, Reflections

I have been super tense, stressed or whatever you want to call going out of your mind with worry and fear. I realized that my closets started to bulge like never before. My goodness, I could not throw away stuff fast enough. On the way home from my pilgrimage to the little boutique up the road, I realized what the heck I have been doing for nearly all of my life. Yes, I love to look nice and absolutely adore the smell of new crispy clothes. But there is a flippin’ limit to what a regular human being needs. Five closets full of sedatives. Oh my gosh when I realized that all of those clothes were not a necessity to cover the body but a necessity to cover the soul, I stopped the car in a dark parking lot and laughed at myself until I cried. At that moment I hated everything. Stop! Do not give in to this shit, I said out loud to no one. It was then that I realized I have been going to the stores when life gets too much to be comfortable and or when I have to make a decision, or when things pile up on my plate. I have come to see each garment as a tranquilizer of the past or as you will, a sedative I needed at one time or another. I have sedatives and tranquilizers from over 20 years ago maybe, probably longer. I can’t seem to throw them away. Do I think I will need them again someday to fill a void or erase a pain? Still parked in the parking lot, my thoughts brought me back to the two bags in the back seat of my car. Yes, the sedatives are still working, but for how long? Will they wear off once I take them out of the bag, or when I cut the tags off? How long will it be until I need the next fix? Wait a minute; I don’t care when I will need the next fix. It is not harming my health, it is not putting me in debt; it is not hurting anyone. Now, I have come to grips with it all and very glad there is an outlet for me. The only thing I will need to do is get more closet space. Hey, how about double poling the closets I already have. I can double my tranquilizing capabilities. Oh yes.

Seeing Through The Purse

09 Apr 2010 2 Comments

by Sheila Clapkin in Reflections

I had an interesting experience when we went into the Museum of Tolerance with our Brandeis group. We had to go through a metal detector.(17 of us) When we left the museum, the lady I drove with got all upset at the car and said the guy never put her keys back into her purse. I do not know what happened, but I could see into her purse for a moment as if it were clear plastic. I saw her keys right there. I asked her if I could put my hand into her purse, she said yes. I didn’t even rummage around, I just put my hands right on the keys and pulled them out. The ladies were stunned and woweyed me etc. For some reason, they had a great deal more respect for me on the way to lunch. So I took advantage of that. I got them the number 1 parking place right behind the restaurant. They said they think I am psychic. No, I am not, but did not mention that I used to live in that community for 5 years when I was having our babies. (Cheviot Hills, West L A.) And besides Century City is right there where my parents lived and we went that way twice a week for years and years. So getting parking was not hard. But the key thing, well, I am also amazed. Seeing through purses is not my ordinary thing.

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