I Told Them What I Wanted to Tell Them!


Last night I started to speak with you who I have lost in this life. I don’t care if you heard me or not, I hope you did, but I said what I wanted to say, did what I wanted to do and you heard me. I told you what you meant to me, each one of you. You have changed my life and helped me to see blue skies and not wallow in the cloudy moody weather so much. You, I have missed. I long to tell you things I know you would have been delighted to hear. The light on my nightstand gave a couple of on, and off flickers, so you do hear me. I’d like to believe that.

I told you that you have helped me to satisfy many longings and to stand up in my life. You gave me courage to face my fears of inadequacy and my stinging muteness. You told me to act as if I were walking down the street so straight, so tall, and so confident, I would signal my aggressor to cross the street and look away. Oh if that were only true. I told you that I have made strides in all the areas we held dear, and that you would be pleased. I told you I forgot to tell you how very much I would miss you, and how much I depended on our little talks captured here and there. I told you that my life, my internal life, has changed. I live as you lived. If you like what I say then, it is good, and if you do not, it is good, too.

Some of you who were nervous and afraid, I remember you and your longings to show your real selves. So you did and it was lovely when the sparkling dust from the ancient fairies shone down upon you. Now that you are amongst them, where does the light shine?

When the shroud of the angels covered you and kept you safe on stormy nights, you prayed to them and thanked them. Now that you are one of them, to whom do you pray and to whom do you thank?

When you felt God walking beside you and in your exhaustion, he carried you, you thanked him. Do you still have encounters with God? Do you still have the opportunity to thank him?

When you are on a journey up there, do you ever find your way a bit muddled? Do you whisper in your inside voice, asking God to guide your way? When you are with God, do you still have to ask for directions?

Pablo, you had guts of steel. You lived your life in the fast lane. You took chances and reaped the rewards. Finally, somehow, something caught up with you. Are you at peace now, or do you still enjoy the fast lane? Now, do you know you can win all of the time; are you reaping the rewards or do you take it easy in a rocking chair?

You all lie dead in your graves. Some of you purchased sites before the death event and others did not. It does not make a bit of difference to you whether you did purchase or you did not. You are each the same. You are dead. Whatever dead means, is something debatable, but none of you have come back to tell us anything to go on in our search for the meaning of life and the death of it.

2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Nuala ryan
    Jul 15, 2015 @ 21:58:23

    I love this piece, dear Sheila. It captures the at at-one-ment of what unites us..love. You invite me to atone for the times I was not in right relationship with those who are now enjoying eternal life. I haven’t lost them we are in deeper communion with them. You invite me to have a chat with your parents and tell them how much I enjoy their daughter. My belief in the “communion of saints” is deepening because of the gift you offer here and now. Thank you.


  2. Sheila Clapkin
    Jul 16, 2015 @ 10:01:21

    “We haven’t lost them, we are deeper in communion with them,” is brilliant. I feel empowered. Thank YOU! Also, thank you for the opportunity to study the concept “communion of saints.” living and dead.
    With great respect,


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