Sheilaclapkin's Blog;

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Shouts in Battle:

Something happened yesterday, which carried over into today and it would forever be my bulletproof vest and my Pit Bull. I am going into battle. Each day is a battle, so not a particular battle to discuss today. I am frightened each day about going into battles known and unknown. Those fears are my shouts. If we are in a battle and you want to make a deal, I cannot because then someone automatically becomes the winner and if a winner, there must be a looser. I would guess the one with the most experience in deal making will win in this case scenario.   If we both fight to the death, either we both die or one of us definitely wins. If we decide to meet in the middle and come to equitable terms, there is no winner or looser; there is peace. Does it matter who started it. Of course it does, but that may not need to be counted in the equation of who wins, who looses, or a truce.

A truce is a noble act between individuals needing not to win or loose.

The paperwork extravaganza is the Echo.

I think the paperwork was mailed to me by mistake. If the doctor knew that I received the complete document of her findings and her documentations, she would have a gigantic fit of rage. But the fact remains, I have a powerful document telling me many things I was not told, still not told and should be told on the spot. People are seemingly shut out of their best opportunity to help with their health care by not seeing documentations of their doctor patient encounters and not knowing. Yes, I hear you all, you think I am wrong, and that doctor’s should have their privacy. Okay, what about mine?

The echo on the doctor’s notations is loud in the distance, and clear as a bell. They have empowered me to live a fuller life, be more proactive about my diagnosis process and at peace knowing the naked truth. What happened as I read the process and the doctor’s praiseworthy words is that I began the process of liking myself for who I am, understanding myself more and that everyone faces the process. As the process continues, I remain knowledgeable of the facts as documented and enjoying days full of life. Nothing she has said thus far is life threatening, just so interesting to be given the opportunity to secure and read a heretofore-secret document. And for your ears only, I will forever after ask for the completed documents knowing this was a one-time error and will never to happen again.

Faintly the echo fades with these words, “Since you are still waiting for the words to be said, start saying them and asking them yourself.”

The whispers are God talking to me in low tones, so I will know it is he, and I should not miss a word. He loves me as much as ever, but wants me to love myself at the same level, so I will feel contentment. I have some catching up to do. I think about me. I don’t mind playing catch up to God. There is no better example to follow. There is no greater force. I have not been taught to love myself, but no time like the present to begin lessons. Honestly, I know this may sound like a hype, but if you listen, lessons are always streaming and you can hitch the ride.