An Ethical Will To My Children: I Did Not Give You Life to Prolong Mine.

11 Nov 2010 7 Comments

by Sheila Clapkin in Family Activities, Reflections, Trials and Tribulations

1971

When I was very young, I explored dying. Not the horrid slow, suffering kind of dying I came to view as I grew into my aging years, done by grandparents, parents, aunts, uncles and friends. As a youngster, I viewed dying as leaving some very sad people and how they would grieve for me.

I am not afraid to die; I am afraid of the pain and long suffering and I do not want grieving. I want my death to be a celebration.  I am afraid of the care that I will need to survive.  Please God, please children of mine, do not make me survive past the time I can rise from my bed, take the pills I need to keep my systems going, comb my hair, brush my teeth, pee, poop and feed myself.  Do not let me live past giving myself life-giving care.

More

Four Daughters

03 Nov 2010 8 Comments

by Sheila Clapkin in Family Activities, Family History, Reflections

Here they are, four daughters in a row. Can you pick out the twins? I can.  When the twins were babies I could be blindfolded and tell them apart just by their smell. I was very animalistic then about my babies. I still am. Better be careful. I bite.

No, I have not forgotten our wonderful loving son. He comes into view when we brought the twins into the house and he said, “Mom you had a girl and a boy and then you messed it all up.” Now, he cherishes all of the girls and they, him.  But later we will talk son, talk, but for now it is daughter talk.

What is a daughter? Goodness, a daughter is so many things it would fill pages and pages, but let me see if I can condense it for you.  A daughter is a challenging and trying human being that you love no matter what. Sometimes you think you have created a monster and other times an angel.   Daughters do not take all that you have to give, they tend to leave a little more for next time. They give you only so much of what you need from them and keep you waiting to hear more. You want to know how their day went and how they are feeling.  They say the word “fine” and you leave it at that creating a lull in the conversation. Sometimes on the other hand you get way more than you wanted in all ways. Not all daughters are the same; even if they share exact DNA, trust me.

You have heard many quotations about daughters no doubt. For example to quote a few, “A daughter is a gift of love.” “A son is a son until he takes a wife, a daughter is a daughter all of her life.”

Here is one that is priceless: “Watching your daughter being collected by her date feels like handing over a million dollar Stradivarius to a Gorilla.” Jim Bishop.  Then, there are ones like:

“ A mother’s treasure is her daughter.”  “ To a father growing old, nothing is dearer than a daughter. “  Oh this is all hogwash; ok not all, but mostly.  Sorry, but I’ll bet each one of you can come up with a saying, a personal quote, closer to home and truer than the words I have quoted above.  So I am waiting. Post your personal quote. Here is mine

“If you have a choice of a son or a daughter, order both.” Or, like my mother told me; “ I wish you a daughter just like yourself.”