EVERY DAY AT THE END OF THE DAY

23 Sep 2014 12 Comments

by Sheila Clapkin in Reflections

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Every day, at the end of the day, I throw my sins away in sight of water. Rosh Hashanah is coming and joy is filling our hearts. There is an ancient custom that calls for observant Jews to Tashlikh, during Rosh Hashanah, meaning to cast away the year’s previous sins into a body of water. Water therefore creates a clean slate, leaving our transgressions behind as we start the New Year. A stroll along the beach is ideal, along a lake is lovely, too. Our neighbor’s pool is handy, but if you need to turn on your faucet and watch the water trickle as you cast your sins, you will have done the job.

You do not have to be Jewish to cast your sins. I know that, and you know that, so Robin, my hairdresser extraordinaire and I have devised a plan for constant renewal without carrying such a heavy load all year long, waiting for a designated time to cast off sins.

Every day, at the end of the day, cast your sins away. Just start twitching, shaking yourself around a bit, and brushing yourself off as in the act of casting. After you stop all of the frenetic casting, you will, guaranteed, feel like a million bucks.

Oh, you are one of those who do not sin. Probably you don’t, neither do I, BUT there are so many superstitions and regulations, plus self imposed rules and regimes, instructions, and guidelines, you probably do not fully get out of bed without a mark. Our governing powers have added so many laws and decrees that will fill a book just since yesterday, so you cannot possibly escape. May I suggest you shimmy and shake, casting any unrealized sins away, everyday at the end of the day! Get back to me on your casting success.

THE “IST” WORD CONTEST OR YOU CAN WIN $101.00!!

17 Sep 2014 33 Comments

by Sheila Clapkin in Teacher

For you Sally as promised:

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Once upon a time there was a teacher who told her class that if they could read and spell all the “ist” words in a story she has written, she would give each winner one hundred dollars plus one. When she asked them who would be interested in entering the “ist” contest, everyone raised their hands. “Oh my goodness” said the teacher, “If everyone wins the contest, it will cost me three thousand and thirty one dollars.” She thought about changing her mind, but decided that it wouldn’t be proper. She thought about making it too hard to win, but decided that it wouldn’t be proper either. She thought about being absent from school for a whole week so maybe the kids would forget about it. Then she decided that would be avoiding the issue and would be weaseling out of a promise. She thought that maybe she could move way up into the mountains so no one would ever find her, but that was too silly. Maybe she could make up something different, and even easier and present it to the kids, but she knew they would not go for it. She thought maybe she could tell them that she is very stressed over the promise of the “ist” contest and they would let her out of the promise. But then, she would not be happy with herself. She was thinking that she could just say it was a mistake. No she said out loud, “A promise is a promise.”

The next day the teacher began to explain about “ist” words and how the contest will work.

She said, “ You will all get a story with many words that end in “ist.” You will have to read all of them and tell what they mean out loud to the class. If you read them all and tell what they mean, you will win the contest. You will all have to have your parents sign a participation letter that says they give their permission for you to enter the contest and accept the prize money. If you do not bring the letter signed by one parent back to school, you may still enter the contest and win, but I will not be able to give you the prize money without their consent.

Colby raised his hand and asked: “What are “ist” words?

The teacher asked, “Does anyone know what “ist” words are?”

Carly raised her hand and said, “Is violinist an “ist” word?

The teacher said, “Yes.”

Colby raised his hand and said, “Oh I get it, and words like hobbyist and guitarist are “ist” words.”

Yes, said the teacher. A violinist is a person who plays the violin, a hobbyist is a person who pursues an activity in their spare time for pleasure, and a guitarist is a musician who plays the guitar. Guitarists may play a variety of instruments such as acoustic guitars, electric guitars, classical guitars, and bass guitars. So you will see that “ist” at the end of words refers to a person doing something as his work, or as his profession.

Carly added that her dad is a guitarist.

Colby said that he is studying to become a guitarist.

The teacher said that everyone’s homework would be to come up with an “ist” word and bring it in to class the next morning.

The teacher was happy that she did not try to end the “ist” contest. The students were happy, too. When the bell rang, all of the students ran out of the room saying, ist, ist, ist, ist.

Carly and Colby could hardly wait for the next morning to see all of the new words with IST at the end.

The next morning, all of the kids huddled together in the playground sharing their words. The bell rang. Everyone lined up and they were all so excited they could hardly stand still. Soon it would be time for the teacher to come to get them and walk them into the classroom. Here comes the teacher. Oh do you know the teacher’s name?

It is Mrs. Cynthia Noncooperationist. Really? Really!

All of the students sat very quietly in their seats because they knew it was time for the teacher to collect the contest words.

Mrs. Noncooperationist said, “Boys and Girls, I have a basket on my desk and I would like all of the people in row 1 to put their word in the basket.” All of the students in row 1 had words to put in the basket. Everyone had done his or her homework. Row 2 put their words in the basket and row three put theirs in as well. In total, the teacher collected 31 words.

She had decided to break up the lesson into three parts. The first part had 10 words, the second part had ten words, and the third part had ten words. Hey, you are thinking to yourself, “that is only thirty words.” You are right, but one of the words was Mrs. Noncooperationist. This is a word put in by Joey and the teacher thinks you should be able to read and spell her name. She explained that she thought it was very unique for Joey to put her name in the basket. The definition of noncooperationist is a person who is not willing to work together with another person, group, or organization. Mrs. Noncooperationist said that when she got married to Mr. Noncooperationist, she decided to take his name as her married name. Before she was married, she was called Miss Cynthia Activist. Mrs. Noncooperationist said that she really does like to cooperate and work as a team member, and not as her name suggests.

Here are the first ten words:

  1. Nonspecialist: a person who is not a specialist in any given field.
  2. Accordionist: An accordion is a box shaped musical instrument of hand held bellows. Sometimes called a squeezebox. The person who plays an accordion is an Accordionist.
  3. Journalist: a person who gathers and writes about current events, trends, issues, and people’s viewpoints. A reporter is a type of journalist.
  4. Keyboardist: a person who plays keyboard musical instruments.
  5. Machinist: a person who uses machine tools to make or modify primarily metal parts.
  6. Lyricist: a writer who specializes in song lyrics, usually paid for by a band to write custom songs. A Lyricist is a songwriter.
  7. Agriculturalist: a person who studies the science, art, and business of cultivating soil, producing crops and raising livestock; farming.
  8. Bacteriologist: a person who studies and investigates a group of single-celled microorganisms that are classed as bacteria. There are over 10,000 species of bacteria and new ones are being discovered each day.
  9. Industrialist: a person who is a businessman and whose wealth has been gained from business and industry.

10.Balloonist: A balloon is a type of air-

craft that remains aloft due to its

buoyancy. A balloon travels by

moving with the wind. A Balloonist

knows all about flying balloons.

Rachel raised her hand and said, “ I

would like to be a balloonist part time

and an economist for my career choice.

 

Here are the second ten “ist” words:

 

  1. Zoologist: a person who studies animals in their natural habitats and in the laboratory in order to learn as much as possible about animal life.
  2. Vocalist: a person who is a singer and uses her or his voice to produce music.
  3. Alchemist: a person who practices alchemy. Alchemy is an early discipline or practice of combining the elements of chemistry, metallurgy, physics, medicine, astrology, semiotics, mysticism, and art.
  4. Loyalist: a person who remains loyal to the established government, political party, or sovereign (no higher power or supreme lawmaking authority) especially during a war or revolutionary change.
  5. Manicurist: a person who gives manicures, which include fingers and toes. A manicurist is a licensed nail technician who cleans, trips and polishes nails for a living.
  6. Percussionist: a musician who plays percussion instruments such as xylophone, marimba, chimes, cymbals, dulcimer, drums, tubular bells and more.

 

  1. Floriculturist: a person concerned with horticulture (plants and flowers) and concerned with the cultivation of flowering and ornamental plants for gardens. Also a Floriculturist is interested in the development of plant breeding and creating new varieties of plants.

 

  1. Landscapist: There are two definitions for Landscapist. One is someone who arranges features such as plants, furniture, and sculptures in the landscape or garden. Another Landscapist is someone who paints landscapes.
  2. Perfectionist: is a person who believes in perfectionism and demands perfection from everyone. In other words, everything has to be perfect or the perfectionist will be displeased.
  3. Receptionist: is a person who is     often the first business contact a person will meet at any organization. A receptionist is a person in the office who is in a support position. They usually work in a waiting area such as a lobby or front office desk and greet visitors, patients, or clients.

 

And finally here are the final 10:

  1. Saxophonist: is a musician who plays the saxophone.

2.Vacationist: is a person taking a vacation, especially someone who is a tourist, sightseer, or traveler.

3.Urbanologist: is a person who specializes in the problems of cities and urban life.

4.Mineralogist: is a person who specializes and studies the process of mineral origin and formation, classification of minerals and their geographical distribution as well as their utilization.

5.Oceanologist: is a person who studies the sea in all its aspects, including oceanography, geophysical phenomena, undersea exploration, economic and military uses of the sea.

6.Romanticist: a person who has a romantic view of life, one that does not take into consideration science, but rather through music, literature and the visual arts. It is someone who has a romantic attitude or style.

7.Adventurist: a person who looks for   adventure by taking trips, hiking, outdoor adventures, and takes some risks and a person who likes to experiment to make their world less boring.

8.Aeronomist: a person who studies the upper atmosphere, especially regions of ionized gas and realms of other planets, satellites, and comets.

9.Gastroenterologist: a person who is a physician who specializes in the diagnosis and treatment of disorders in the gastrointestinal tract, including the esophagus, stomach, small intestine, large intestine, pancreas, liver, and gallbladder.

10.Hypnotherapist: a person who induces hypnotic state in clients to increase motivation or alter behavior patterns for positive results through hypnosis.

Mrs. Noncooperationalist began to think about having to spend $3,031.00 if all of the students won the contest. She would make sure everyone would win if they put the time into the project. She told the students that if you worked at a job and made the minimum wage, which is $8.00 an hour, you would have to work 12.4 hours to make the amount of money which is the prize for this contest. She told them that if they were willing to make this a job, they would win. Instead of running away from her “ist” words promise, she was going to add 10 more words as extra credit words to make her feel better about spending the $3,031.00. All of the students started to groan. She said, “Take it or leave it. But if you take it be prepared to study. It will take some time, and “time is money” where I come from,” she said.

EXTRA CREDIT:

  1. Educationalist: a specialist in the

theory of education

  1. Hematologist: a medical specialist who study diseases and disorders of the blood and blood-forming tissues, such as bone marrow and the spleen.
  2. Ethnomethodologist: a person who uses this method for understanding the social orders people use to make sense of the world through analyzing their accounts and descriptions of their day-to-day experiences.
  3. Musicologist: a person who knows the historical and scientific studies of music and a person who is a constant student of musicology.
  4. Geochronologist: a person who studies geology that describes the past in terms of geologic (history of earth’s time and earth’s history) rather than human time.
  5. Neuropharmacologist: a person who is concerned with drug-induced changes in the functioning cells in the nervous system.
  6. Watercolorist: a painter who paints with watercolors.
  7. Surrealist: an artist who is a member of the movement called surrealism, which began, in the early 1920’s.
  8. Acupuncturist: a person who is qualified or professionally engaged in the practice of acupuncture.
  9. Numerologist: a person who believes

in traditions and in a mystical

relationship between numbers,

physical objects and living things.

You know the ending to this story already.

 

 

I Got Up on the Wrong Side of the Bed This Morning

02 Sep 2014 19 Comments

by Sheila Clapkin in Reflections

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I know what I want to do when I want to do it, but this morning I did not. I was actually forced to get up on the wrong side of the bed. There was a bug on my side, so I had to flip on the other side, and get off on the wrong side. After going head first into the wall I am not used to seeing, I righted myself, and ran back to my side of the bed to swat the offender. Getting up on the wrong side of the bed made me wonder then and there how my day was going to be effected by this little traditional, and superstitious ditty.

I brushed aside my fears of the wrong side of the bed theories and set up for my coffee date. We had decided earlier in the week we would meet this time at my home. I put out a spread for a queen. Ten o clock, time for arrival came and went. I decided to check my email since there was no answer to my phone call. At 8:03 a cancellation message had been issued. I sat having my coffee alone, munching on all of the delicious goodies I had laid for the queen.

Soon after my last bit of coffee was swallowed without incident, the phone rang. On the other end of the line, was a very apologetic friend. She had some bad news for me. What else would she have on a day when you get up on the wrong side of the bed? We had a party at her home several days previously, and she asked that I leave my dish and it’s delicious contents, as her family was visiting the next day. She assured me the platter would be returned within the week. As it turned out, I was never again to see my mother’s antique dish that held so many of my her delightful culinary dishes she shared with our family. My friend continued with the bad news that my mother’s beautiful dish slipped to the ground and was broken into too many pieces to repair. I said, “Mazeltov” wishing her good luck at the breaking of the glass. I have tried since then to replace my mother’s dish, but realized after acquiring four plates as replacements, no replacement is possible. My mother’s dish remains only in my memory.

They have opened a wonderful 99cent store close by, so naturally today I planned to scout it out. My goodness, the fruit, and vegetables astounded me. Since this is getting out of the wrong side of the bed day, I will stick to the story and not wander off deep into the caverns of the 99cent store. The most gigantic and exotic looking melon caught my eye. At a well-known brand name store this beauty would be a $5.00 item. It was heavy and still only 99cents. It was ripe and ready; I took it home. It got carved and cut into cubes. I could hardly wait for the yummy first cube. I cleaned up the carving mess and turned to the bowl for my taste. Oh my word, it was awful. What to do with this huge mistake? I can coat it with sugar, whipped cream, yogurt or really just toss it. For now and for this day it sits chilling in the refrigerator.

Am I in a bad mood? Kind of…annoyed, yes. My partner, love of my life, bed sharer decided his side of the bed sloped too much and since there is a pillow top on the underside as well, he had it turned and flipped. Somehow, during the night an awful realization occurred. I will now be getting out of the wrong side of the bed every morning for the rest of my days. Chilling isn’t it?