I had knee replacement surgery recently and am still recovering. You don’t get over it so fast and it is not a piece of cake. When you walk unaided and the horrible pain that put you in a wheelchair is gone, you are full of tears of gratitude. A friend in London asked if I were going to write about my surgery experience. I nearly bit off his words because I was scared to pieces and too fearful to think about it. Besides who wants the gory details? Not me. But I did have several experiences worth a mention.
Coming out of anesthesia is a weird trip in itself, but for each of us it is different. Mine had reduced me to a child calling for my mommy and daddy. I did so want to see them waiting and caring for me. I wanted them to be there like they always had been. Wanting them was a strong ethereal moment that has not left me. What did I want to tell them, and what did I want to hear from them? Did I want them to make it all better? Did I forget that they are gone, or did I want to bring them back from beyond to tell me how they are doing there? Did I want to be the child, or did I want them to see me now, see that I have accomplished many of my dreams and still looking for more?
The time spent healing and time spent on my own true wavelength is rare time that normally most of us are too busy to ride this wave. As soon as some of the swelling and pain from surgery started to subside, my usual friendly ailments arose and lay side by side with my new frailty. My new wave length became a prominent state of being for a while. I began to mourn for my youth and who I used to be. I mourned all of my fears in Technicolor. As I mourned for who I used to be and fit new puzzle pieces of who I am into the old mold, I came to reexamine all that I understand. I became willing to take what I have become and go with it. In a different light, you see the changing hues as a positive addition to the composition and become a little closer to whole.
I could surely go dancing right now, but I think I will wait a little longer to make sure I can fit all the steps into the right synchronization of the timing and be able to adjust the tempo of the overall effect. After all, the knee joints are mandatory for just the right articulations of bowing down and giving thanks for the new ability to navigate the earth on my own.